What do you do when you want to give up? I wanted to, today. One meeting done, two more to go. Had to say no to a fourth appointment because I have to facilitate a workshop at 8 AM tomorrow morning. Apart from a weekend, every day has been filled with at least three appointments. In Jakarta, this takes a whole day, if you count all the driving around. In order to make it by 8 AM, tomorrow I have to leave at 6.30 AM. Just think about that. If somebody grants you 90 minutes of free time, you’d think, “Wow, that’s a long time. Wonder what I can do with it.” Now imagine if, instead of granting it, somebody took away 90 minutes of your time. You might be disappointed, or disgruntled, but you’d sigh and move on. Your disappointment would be of less intensity than your excitement in the first situation. That’s because the second situation happens all the time – and we allow it.
All these appointments, most under the pretense of “meetups” / “hangouts”, but they all take time and energy, and I was just fucking done. Can I just drop everything and go home? I don’t care about things anymore. They were running without me, and they would run without me. Why should I care?
There is too much noise. These things matter, but they really shouldn’t. It’s a systemic mistake. There’s a need to share everything – needs, problems, demands, opportunities, rewards, accountability. Suddenly everyone find themselves “swamped”, when a casual lunch became a working committee for a Sunday dinner, or an idea became work, the special kind of work that requires professionalism and discipline to carry out and yet also treated like “it’s just a trial”. All of the work and none of the recognition of work, because “it’s just something I’m working on”. How is that not work?
More than wanted, I really needed to give up. Unfortunately, there wasn’t an option for it. Sometime during Field Study, we were asked what we do when things get rough. I said I tell myself “Life is hard,” because it is. Life is work. Every social interaction requires strategic thinking, and if you don’t treat them as such, you are wasting your life away. There is no option of giving up, because it would mean you’re giving up on life. And could any of us honestly do that?
Tika Anindya 