Isn’t that what we’re all gunning for. I’ll say two things that come mind when I think about The Right Answer.
I was a debater in university, and we were taught to think about being “right” not in the sense of truth, but “correct alignment with intent”. That is to say, we recognize both sides are speaking honestly and factually (fulfilling the authenticity and accuracy needed to be “Right”). But we wanted to win, and the key to winning is to give the “right” argument. So what does this second “right” mean? It can mean “saying what the adjudicator wants to hear”, which shouldn’t be true, because we claim that judges are trained to come with an open mind and leave their conception of right or wrong out of the debate. I think it’s more about looking at issues from angles that people resonate with, in a way that is almost universal.
I’m not doing a very good job explaining what I mean. My point is, those competitive years have left a curious effect on me. Whenever people say, “Judges are always subjective, you should give them what they want” I automatically get defensive, because I don’t think we should be catering to individual minds of those judges (or those who judge us, even though it’s not their job, but I digress..) That’s irrelevant to losing or winning. Winners continue to win regardless of who the judges are. Though it may seem like everything is subjective, right or wrong depends on the situation etc., I continue to think that, at some levels, there is such thing as being Just Right.
The second thing is this: I think the right question is much more important than the right answer. This might sound so straightforwardly true, but it can also be a self-serving thing I tell myself when I’m in the position of listening. Maybe asking questions is how I attempt to control conversations. Because of this, I’m careful to say that the role of a great listener is to ask great questions. I think you can be a great question-asker but not a great listener. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen the effect of great questions, and at times they can be life-changing. I just think provoking is not the same as listening.
What, then, is the role of a great listener? I’m honestly still not sure!
By the way – reading this, you might find yourself disagreeing with me. But I bet you got a sense of where I’m coming from. And if at any point you nodded along, then there’s the big question – not just about me or this writing, but just about any other interactions we’ve had. How is it that we can disagree with someone and still think they’re right?
Tika Anindya 